Are You Kidding Me?

What in the world have I done?  This all IS surreal!  Nothing, anymore, is making sense...  My Neurologist called late last night (9p.m.) (although I was awaiting a call to get the results of the MASSIVE blood work) I did not think it would be a late call.  
I also had to have a pulmonary function test (which I did yesterday); thank goodness this only showed shallow breathing (well I am asthmatic), but it was the "other news" that bothered me so. 
He informed me that I have positive anti-bodies for RA (rheumatoid arthritis) AND Lupus!!! Wait, not finished.... also, my sugar is so low (he was VERY concerned about this) that I need to be eating every two hours!! (I seriously asked him, "Have you paid attention to my size"?) He said yes, and this was also troubling to him (as it is an abnormal amount of weight gain, and the thyroid was okay) now he is going to look at the pituitary.


Okay.... now really, how is it that after 40, things could possibly be this out-of-sorts?  I should be at the prime of my life; living large (ok ok I got that part), having a wonderful amount of "me-time", but somehow my auto-immune system is playing Russian Roulette with me and I made no ante!!!
I asked the Neuro... "what about the lesions, ELEVEN of them, on my brain... can one have all this and MS too?"  He said we need the more in depth conversation when I was in the office (the end of the month)!
Sad thing here; the amount of "wait time" no longer affects me... this has all become run-of-the-mill!!  
My concerns (my deep/real concerns) are on a watch around someone else's wrist!  Yes, that sucks.  I will not list all of which I am concerned with right now, as a novel is not a blog.  


I just want all of this to know I am a fighter... a huge fighter... and I hit back. 


Please, do something for YOU... TODAY!

Let's Hear it for the Boys....

(no not mine at home, that is an entirely different blog).


I am talking about the NY Giants..!! WTG.  What a nail-bitter that was.. right to the last 5 seconds. 
And to think the Manning MaMa gets yet ANOTHER trophy from her boys... imagine the pride in that home!


The commercials, surprisingly, were pretty good!  E-trade baby (eh, not so much this time).  


But, alas, Football season is over ho hum.  And, I have to find something else to fill my short-term memory with, but WHAT?


Speaking of short term memory.. I have yet another appointment today... for my cognitive "difficulties"... wonder if she would mind if I talked Football? 


Do something for YOU today!

They should all be made....

... like my daddy!

I swear they should.  My dad, always made sure he was the best family man.  He would start the cars in the morning, to warm them up before we got in them, he would make stops at the bakery and get us each our faves, took us trick-or-treating TWICE in the same night (although, it is possible it was more for him than us) and he worked, he worked so hard!!  

Yes, I have said before that he may have shown that he was a great husband sometimes better than a dad, but the older I get I know that is not true.  Yes, he made sure his wife was more than taken care of (financially, physically, and emotionally) but he was also the parent at every school function, the one that taught us sports, the one that woke us in the morning.

I know of many other fathers that just thought work was enough, and then some that thought staying home was enough.... neither are true.  MY daddy, is an extra hard worker ... to be sure his family wanted for nothing.

I could go on and and about my daddy.  He is the epitome of a great man, father, and husband!  Still when I am having a "not so good day" I wish I was that lil girl again. (I am having a "not so good day"; think I will call him.)

A Man (my Man) and HIS Dog!

     Good Sunday all my family and friends.. may you receive blessings from Heaven! 
     I have to say that between my mattress and MS I have a horrible time sleeping as the pain (especially in my legs) becomes TOO much.  Well, as a result I have taken to sleeping in a therapeutic bed (in a different room from my husband).  Yes, this is stressful at times in and of itself, as I cherish his body next to mine, and laying in his arms.  However, it appears that our dog, Buster has found this to be a HUGE opportunity.  (Our two Boxers, are our babies.)
     The other morning, as I tumbled from "my" bed and made my way out of the bedroom, I looked down the hall into "our" bedroom, and was puzzled as it looked like the entire bed was FULL.  As I walked toward the bed, it appeared... Buster was "spooning" my hubs! LMBO... For real, his head was on the pillow and he was pushed up right against his back. 
     HMPF... I thought, WOW this dog really thinks he won, he has it made... his "master" and best friend really do now belong to him... no more sharing.  Before I thought to get the camera, Buster notices I was awake, meaning.. time for breakfast.  Although, I did not get "the" picture this one shows you the love between a man and his dog:

(now this was taken years ago!) somethings never change!

Last night, AHA... I won!  I tried my hardest to sleep in bed with MY husband... and if looks could kill:

Over Da Bridge - Under Da Bridge

Well, my doctor's appointment came and went, without really any details to share.  He made sure to "vampire me" and take ten tubes of blood, also said there was something about my lungs he didn't like when taking deep deep breaths, so I am scheduled for a pulmonary function test.

All this over/under... reminded me of a story of my gr'daughter Tay (yep that is her adorable lil face).  Well, we took the twins on vacation  to Chicago, with us when they were about 4.  Tay has always been a force to be reckoned with, a strong-willed child, and one not easily pacified with adult intervention.  She was having a bit of a "not-so-good" day, when we decided to take the trip to see my Aunt who lived right across the Mississippi into Iowa.  As we approached the Mississippi Bridge (which was tall and long) I remarked to the girls "Look, we get to go over the bridge and you can say you were at the Mississippi River"... Tay immediately put one hand over one eye (this was our sign that something was about to happen)... she did this when she was "holding back the devil"... 

"I don't WANNA go over da bridge"!  

"Sweetie, we have to go OVER the bridge, that is how we get across into Iowa"

"I said I don't WANNA go over DAAA bridge" (she is now kicking and whining)... I at this point have no idea what in the world has gotten to Ms. Tay!

"Look, Tay, this is how we go and you get to see alllll that big water and everything"... she now is extremely irritated (to no avail am I, my husband, or anyone going to rationalize with her) so I say... 

"Ok this is nonsense you need to stop and look while we go over the bridge"

In a loud, yet no nonsense tone Tay yells "my daddy says go UNDER da bridge"!!! 

We are all stunned and dumbfounded, (her dad is in NC)... he hasn't "said" anything!  We could not help it, that did it, and I began to giggle... YES, this angered her... so I said "Your daddy is not here to say anything"... "err ugh hmpf, so what, he would have said go UNDER da bridge" (conversation over)! LMBO

We all still approach bridges (all bridges in life) saying.... "But, my daddy said go UNDER da bridge" thanks to lil miss Tay!

Today is Appointment Day

Today is my appointment day with the Neuro and it is about time!

I have not seen her in (wow) six months, and have plenty we need to discuss!

Like how my body has become an electrical force field,

How my legs hurt so bad I now sleep separate from my hubby (NOT good),

How my PCP doc has decided he really didn't like anyone who advocated for their own healthcare and how, to me, he is not really a doctor then. 

The list is endless, the ailments are as well, YET through it all I have managed two surgeries in three weeks, two months off work, and then going back full swing... 

TODAY... I am fatigued, TODAY... I am resting until time to go... TODAY will be different as TODAY I again will advocate for ME.

It's Gettin' Hot in Here....

Whew... So menopause has arrived.  I thought it was "normal" for women to have and/or anticipate "hot flashes"?  Then what is with the HEAT WAVE?  The endless rise in (internal) temperature that feels hotter than Hades?  At any given time (all the time) sweat beads form upon the brow, between the "twins" and you just know if you were to step outside in the winter, heat would surely be seen rising off the top of your head! 


Night time? OH MY... clothes begin to peel off like a piece of fruit, only it is not for the general good of a great outcome.  This is simply for the purpose of general well-being, especially for your bed partner... in short... it keeps you from wanting to chew him up and spit him out.  (Laying there sleeping, snoring, dreaming!) Ha, what gives!?  
The simple name given to this condition (MENopause) is enough to blame him! 


I have taken to looking like Olivia Newton-John during the Let's Get Physical era... I am now wearing a head band pushed up against my hair line trying to persuade ANY flight of cool air to offer me relief.  
On the bright side, I look as though I have been exercising away.  If only I could convince my behind that I am, and it could get on board and off my body! 


Alas, I know this will pass sooner or later.  I feel though, that I have been played a joke upon; as anyone with MS knows, high temperatures create issues, symptoms, even relapses.  However, everything is so mixed up I only can tell that I am HOT!  If I am fatigue I blame it on the price I pay for being a (wo)man, a mom, a wife, a fe(male)!! Yep man/male?  I can bring this entire thing all around full force to once again blaming the guys for this suffering... Hey it is one thing I can justify as I get naked, without benefit! 

Open Heart to My Lord

I do not have time to blog much yet, today... so I am giving you a poem I wrote back in 01.

Come to me, Oh sweet Lord,

Shine for me the way,

Enlighten your love upon me, Lord

Within my heart to stay.

Show me how to follow you, 

Guide me along the path,

Bring me forth to you, 

Oh Lord,

The path to Righteousness. 

Teach me how to pray to you,

In good times or despair, 

Allow for me to feel, 

Oh Lord,

Your presence growing near. 

Let me spread your word...

Dear Lord,

that you teach me along the way,

And make a difference in someone's life, 

As you've done for me today. 

So How is the Air DOWN There?

Thick I tell ya... thick. 
Ya have to start to wonder... it must be the air, as there is nothing within a foot to cause me to trip, stumble and/or fall.  But, it happens!  WTHeck!  
Knowing that I do not drink, do illicit drugs, or am I naturally clumsy, it has to be "thick air"!  
Just the other day, at work, standing (YES STANDING) by the file cabinet, coming around my desk, I took a 1/2 (yes 1/2) a step, hit that thick air and wobbled to the right; wobbled to the left; thought I was going d o w n... Aha, with a shoulder to the wall and a hand to the cabinet... SAVED! Whew! First thing I do is to be sure NO ONE seen me (safe), next make sure NO ONE seemed to have heard me (safe), then I checked the air... yep... by conclusive evidence... it was thick right there .
"They say MS causes "falls", trips, stumbles and wobbles... I laugh because I have found the REAL reason... yep... thick air!  Now, if I could only invent a detector, hmmmmmm. 

Is it OK to WANT to be a...

stay at home mom, AFTER all the kids are "almost" grown?  I mean really, why would this NOT be the best, appropriate time to be a SAHM?  I get initials after my name, Deb Gambill, SAHM. 
 I get banker hours (9-5) if I really want them or I can have 3-4 day weekends!  I can "research" (things) of all nature... become more knowledgeable; pass that darn Jeopardy test!  I can learn to cook, sew, do windows - I said "learn" not do (I still have a husband) :)
I can home-school my almost high-school senior (I mean with all the research and knowledge I would be gaining) he always wanted to try home-schooling. ;)
This "new" job of mine could be kindof adventurous... I mean look at the things to do... the History channel, The DISCOVERY channel, Animal Planet... endless opportunities!  
Money? the question of money? Hmmm... well, still have a hubs and KIDS... time for the ole pay back! 
Some of you may question if the title "Stay at Home Mom" should still apply now that the kids are almost grown"?  I say ABSOLUTELY... I do still have a husband to raise! 

To Be in Gratitude

This past Thanksgiving, my granddaughter read a poem, To Be In Gratitude.  I have often thought of the words she read that day.  The meaning behind them, and how they relate to me, everyday life, and how I am in gratitude.  

"To be in gratitude is to thank the universe each and every day for the beautiful gift of life and every for it takes!" 

Every form it takes!    Wow what strength in that statement alone.  I believe "form" in life is a metamorphosis... as we all change year to year.  Part of my metamorphosis included a journey for me.  For that I am in gratitude.  I know some may not understand how I can be gratuitousness for multiple sclerosis, but I question how I can not.  "It" has formed me to be the better person I am today. 

"To be in gratitude, is to appreciate that somebody loves you (probably more than you even know)"

How true is that statement alone?  We too often think of how WE love others... STOP for a moment and be gracious for how others love you!


P.S.  So what have YOU done for YOU today?

I have cracked up!

   Last summer I arrived home after a long car trip to visit my family in Chicago.  I had a pretty intense MS flare while we were there, and was looking forward to the peace and rest of home.
   However, my daughter decided she and the kids missed me and needed to visit RIGHT AWAY... ugh, I was tired, exhausted, and just wanted to sit in the recliner and melt away.
   Alas, they arrived!  Yes, I was tickled to see their lil faces.  Yes, I was ecstatic to give them their lil gifts (they of course, were more excited at this) and watch their faces light up as they opened them.  And YES, I love and missed them dearly.

   Well, my daughter could see I really was not ready for all this company and was getting ready to gather up "her crew" to head back home.  In the midst of all this, my grandson (3 years old), climbed onto my lap, hugged my neck, pushed all the hair back from my face and stared at me.  He just STARED into my eyes... hmmm, I wondered.  He is immensely intelligent and is a thinker... so I let him "think" as kids at this age AMAZE me.  That was until he said "NaNa, your eyes are crackin' up". At first, I was questioning what the heck he was saying.  Then he SERIOUSLY said it again. "NaNA... your eyes... they are crackin' up, for real"!!!   .... Ding Ding Ding a light went off, he must have seen that my eyes were blood shot! Ohhh laughter soared in that moment of time... SOARED as I giggled and hugged him.   However, he was so intense, so serious, and I noticed ... scared.
   "Ahh honey" I said to him... "NaNa is ok and I have something for you to do for me that will make my eyes go back together"  as I handed him my eye drops.  I explained to him "now only lil boys with magic in their hearts can use these, do you think you can". OH was he excited now... he was going to "fix" his NaNa.
   After he put the drops in my eyes, and the "cracks" were going away he exclaimed "Papaw, look, hurry, NaNa's eyes aren't crackin' up anymore... cause I fixed 'em". And he did!


   There is not a moment now that goes by when I see anyone with blood shot eyes that I do not exclaim "Hey, your eyes are crackin' up" and I know a lil boy with magic in his heart that can fix 'em!


P.S. So what have you done for YOU today?

The Hunger Games

(This post will reference a book, you may not be able to follow, if you have yet to read it.  However, to those that have I applaud you in being able to keep up with my nonsensical writing lol, for all others...stay tuned as I will have other stuff to ramble on about ... ) 


Happy Saturday Everyone:


So, I have been reading the trio books of The Hunger Games, and it got me thinking... just how incomplete societies are in regards to LIFE.  Although, I understand the pretext of the story-line of the book, I find myself wondering how relative such a plot is to US, our time, Now.


Would we (as a society) become so down ridden after a war as to then send our own children in to fight against, and kill one another?  For the entertainment of "it", but for the bigger picture... government control?  Would we? 


MS is kind of like The Hunger Games... in that it wants to be in such control, it has to "remind me" it is always fighting for the upper hand.  My immune system = the children.  They are blasted into battle against the enemy, however, because they are the children they become confused, disoriented, unsure... they begin to fight against themselves! MS... loves this!  Grasping at any control it can have... this battle is exactly the course it tries to take.  But, you see, there is this uprising taking place the entire time... All the "districts" in MY body have planned to take back what is rightfully MINE... I have found my "mockingjay"! 


I say to it now... Let the games begin!


P.S.  So what have you done for yourself today?